Answer on a scale of 1-10 for each question; then add up your score to see how you rate on the superficial dragon scale!


1. I think I'm hot shit in the sack.

2. I often dream of superheroes while getting or giving oral sex.

3. I think hair is sinful and should be cleansed from the body.

4. I like to "get it on" pretty much every night.

5. Sometimes before having sex I shiver uncontrollably.

6. I like my partner to feel awkward while having sex. In fact, I actually try to make them uncomfortable.

7. I feel drowsy after having sex.

8. I like to cuddle.

9. I have had dreams where sexy robots give me a "lube" job, if you know what I mean.

10. Very loud music is the best thing to scromp to. The louder the more scrompage.


Revealing answers!

1-25: You are either a real loser or are very strange. Maybe you just haven't hit your "stride" yet, but I have my suspicions. I would suggest that you try to ONLY meet sexual partners online and would never suggest reproducing. However if you did happen to actually conceive, you should try to be as rich as possible in order for your progeny to be able to buy their friends.

26-50: I guess you're normal. Try to keep a lid on the robot thing though.

51-75: Man oh, man, you are the shit! You handled these questions with style and panache, similarly to the expertly fashion by which you handle your lover like a well-cleaned Magnum! You may as well be Burt Reynolds driving that kick-ass Firebird in "Smokey and the Bandit". In fact, you may as well be Burt Reynolds in Stroker Ace when he's got Lonnie Anderson all drunk and shit and he decides to take her clothes off? Yeah, that parts rad. And you're just THAT goddamned RAD dude!

76-100: My advice is to give up and join the circus. Especially if you shiver before sex. What kind of a weirdo are you? Do you REALLY think that you could get rid of ALL that hair on your body? Huh? Maybe if you go to church every day and try really, really hard you might actually be normal enough to do telemarketing. But even that may not help. Perhaps you should move to a deserted island and live your life scribbling pictures in the sand before the tide comes in and erases each and every one of your masterpieces. But again, best bet is the circus. Yep.